I am not an ace writer, barely managed to get a c in my gcse english, the best score i have gotten on a report in uni is a 2:1 and i really suck at putting my emotions into spoken words talkless of writing...
i created this blog a year ago, i was going through alot and i thought writing it down would help never got round to it, dnt knw if it would have helped if i dd...but nw i promise myself to write atleast one a month so that when am old i can read all this and see how far i have come
around this time last year i was preparing for my finals for first year, i was cussing myself for all tutorial and lectures missd and i was in a "relationship"...i put the quotes because at that time i had no idea of what i was really into..my world seemed perferct enough...but life is never determined by how we dance in the sun, for there is no test there atol
if anyone had wardned me of the evils to come i'd have hidden in a bonker until it was safe,....but if i wrote to that 18yr old princess now, i'd tell her to embrace all the pain and sorrow coming her way, the ore of which she is crafted from was just being tested
..by my 19th birthday i was back in Nigeria for summer, but if anyone had known that i would have preferd a funeral i'd probably have been taken to a pastor to banish the evil thoughts and the spirits that caused them.
......june my birthmonth, which was usually the happiest was a dark and lonley month....Rape,Heartache,Humiliation,Hurt,Pain and alcohol...tons and tons of everything
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...my exams i dd well enough u jst need your credits for 1st year, the "relationship" ended, the rape happend, the ending of a friendship occured.
The relationship: to be honest with myself i only went out with him because i lost my virginity to him,i ddnt relli like him,i was jst trying with everthing inside me, but i wasnt the catalyst to my delusion...he talked of marriage and children and weddings....i'd rather tell my kids i lost it to daddy right?.....i made-out with him the first time because i was bored or he was boring either way....then the marriage talk started and he portayed himself to be everything my mother said to look for in a husband...so me dreamy eyed mumu thot GOOD CATCH!....HW VERY WRONG I WAS....the next tym she hung out, i lost it to him because he told me tht the last time we messed around he enterd a bit, i dnt want to be one of those people that are dis-virgined 5-tyms.....yellow dress,white sweater both Hand M, black bra Debenhams, Pink thong primark.....it jst happend painful uncomfortable,horrible not nice and i was in bad shape after....still not sure if nausea is a symptom of sex...btw april till june...we did it 5 othertyms....there was always blood, i was always nauseated.....but i told my self i would grow to love my good catch,i would learn to enjoy sex with him and his not-8inch penis.....on the 20th of june all was revaled...he told everyone "his guys" that i forced him into the replationship, that i put him in a corner,that he was gonna send me a "msg" when i got bak to nig, he told my friends argued with them that we had had sex.....i deleted him from everything immediately and carried on with my drinking spree...i had already been drinking for a week anyways.....my way of handling rape......
